So this is a comparison of 7 weeks to 14 weeks...how am I doing?
Sometimes I feel like I really don't look pregnant at all, just a bit fat, and then someone will notice, or even tell me I am huge for my gestation and I question my perception of it! What I really wish is that I had taken more regular photos of when I was pregnant with Beau and then I might have some clue of how I compare this time round. I do have one earlyish bump shot from when I was 17 weeks with Beau and I have to say, I think I'm about the same size now as I was then. I'll compare again when I'm 17 weeks this time!
I haven't really felt nauseous for a week or so now so I think the 2nd trimester is starting to show it's pretty face. Talking of pretty faces though, mine is very much NOT! I am so spotty, it's ridic. I don't think I've ever had this many spots all at once, not even in puberty. Since I had Beau I haven't really worn make-up all that much (out of pure laziness, not because I suddenly became all beautiful and confident) but at the moment I'm having to wear at least tinted moisturiser and some cover-up every time I leave the house. Luckily my lovely friend Lucy gave me some lush Laura Mercier stuff which goes on like a dream and people keep telling me I look tanned and glowing when I wear it. Lord knows what I'm going to do when that tube runs out, it's way out of my budget! Anyway, back to symptoms...
I still have very little energy but that's being extra zapped at the moment by a cold/hayfever combo. I haven't had hayfever for about 5 years or more...why is it that the one year I get it again is the one year I can't take any medication for it due to being pregnant?! Sod's law is what that is, my friend. I'm starting to feel a bit better though and I'm hoping my energy is on it's way back as I want to start doing some light exercise again. I haven't really done it since way before I got pregnant but I'm feeling the need so I'm going to try and give it a go, in a sensibly feeble way of course.
So...breastfeeding. Man I loved breastfeeding. My opinion on it when I first found out I was pregnant with Beau was that I would not even be trying it. The thought of it freaked me out a little and I was perfectly comfortable with my baby being formula fed from the word go.
Oh how our feelings can change. I think my friend Anna was really a huge influence on my change of heart on it. I babysit for her two children and when she first had her daughter I used to go in every weekday evening and help her with the bathtime/bedtime routine. The one main memory I have of those weeks we spent together is of Anna sitting at the top of her stairs breastfeeding P and a look of pure bliss on both their faces. I never thought much about it at the time. Having babies was the furthest thought from my mind, and as much as I have always loved babies, I never paid too much attention to all that stuff.
Cut to a few years later when I was pregnant with Beau. I must have been about 6 months pregnant and still wasn't keen on the idea of breastfeeding, though I was considering it as an option for the first couple of weeks at least. So I'm at Anna's house and she asked me if I was planning on breastfeeding. "Yeah maybe" I said, sheepishly. "I'll probably do it for the first couple of weeks so the baby gets the good stuff. Not sure I could do it much longer than that though" I can't put my finger on what it was that she said, but something in Anna's response really made me think twice about it all. She told me how it was one of the best things she had ever done, and how once you get the hang of it, it is so rewarding in so many ways. She told me how it doesn't immediately come easily to a lot of women, but that if you just ask for help and have a little patience, you will reap the benefits. She told me about the breastfeeding clinic here in Tunbridge Wells and that if she didn't have two very young children to look after that she would have liked to volunteer there as a breastfeeding buddy, to help women learn how to do it properly. I think she just spoke about it with such passion that I couldn't help but take notice of what she was saying. I've never really thanked her, but that conversation was probably one of the best gifts anyone has ever given me.
She was so right about everything, and when my time came, it didn't come easily at first, but I knew that this might be the case so I persevered with it, I went to the breastfeeding clinic and I asked for help. It took a while. I would say hand on heart, that it didn't really click for me for about 6 weeks. For the first 6 weeks, it hurt. It really bloody hurt sometimes, when my nipples were cracked and bleeding, dry and stinging. I thought a couple of times about giving up but I knew in my gut that it would come good if I kept at it, and it did. I know now that he wasn't latching properly which is why it hurt so much for such a long time, but I also think it's just a part of the process. I think of it as somebody learning to play the guitar. It's awkward at first, you don't really know how to hold it comfortably, and your soft skin just isn't used to the sensation. Just as a guitar player needs to toughen up the skin on his/her fingertips to stop it from hurting, a breastfeeding mother needs to toughen up the skin on her nipples. The more guitar you play, the quicker that skin toughens up. The more you breastfeed...you get the idea. It's so tempting to reach for the bottle and give your nipples a rest but I truly believe that just prolongs the process (speaking from experience here). And once that guitar player's skin is tough...the sweet music that comes will be worth every second of pain it took to get there. It's the same for breastfeeding. Once it clicked, and was effortless, it really was the most wonderful and rewarding thing I had ever done. Not to mention free! There is also no washing up, no sterilising, no need to prepare milk for an outing...and on the quiet, it's a really good way of getting the hoards of visitors to go home in those first few weeks! Baby starts crying while in-law X, Y or Z is holding him, just tell them he needs feeding and head upstairs with him. They'll be gone by the time you get back :o)
And in my case, I wasn't back for quite some time! I had a really slow flow of milk, and Beau could take anywhere up to an hour or slightly more to feed each time! A lot of people said this would really put them off and they wouldn't have the patience for it, but seriously it didn't bother me at all. He was my first baby, it wasn't like I had much else to be getting on with. I think it could cause problems if I have the same issue with this next baby, as Beau is unlikely to be that patient about it all, but I'm going to give it everything I've got anyway.
After about 4 months of feeding Beau, my right boob packed up and stopped working. Every time I tried to feed him on that side he would start to fuss almost immediately and pull away crying. I think my milk dried up on that side unfortunately and I thought that my breastfeeding days were over. I spoke to my health visitor and to my joy, she informed me that it's perfectly possible to feed from one boob only, and so it was. I ended up breastfeeding him until he was just over 9 months old, when he pretty much self weaned. By that point, he was only feeding once per day at bedtime, and he would literally feed for 5 minutes and go to sleep, I think he was just using me as a comforter, he didn't really need it anymore. We had actually introduced one bottle (of either formula or expressed breast milk if I had enough) per day from quite an early stage (less than two weeks old) when I was struggling with the sore nipples and I'll admit it was nice for James to be able to feed him and it meant I was free to go and do something for myself at that feed. I don't think I'd do it that way again though. I'd like to at least try and breastfeed exclusively as I think that this may have interfered with my supply. Who knows, I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens, never say never and all that. I'll do whatever feels right at the time.
For anyone reading this who is unsure as to whether or not they want to breastfeed, I urge you to try it. And give it a really good go too. It's hard! But help is available from either your local breastfeeding clinic or a good friend/family member who has had a positive experience with it. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Yes we have it drummed into us that it's the most natural, easy thing in the world but it really isn't that way for most people at first. It takes practise and patience. One of the best tips I was given that was a real game changer for me was how I was holding him when he fed. So in the traditional feeding position, I was allowing Beau's arm to rest in between our bellies at first, and it didn't occur to me that this could be a problem. The lady at the clinic told me to always wrap his bottom arm around me under my armpit so we were as close as could be with nothing in between us. It was a total game changer! He latched so much better and it was much more comfortable for both of us. Little things like this can make all the difference to your experience. Oh, and slap the lansinoh on like it's going out of fashion until it stops hurting!
Best wishes to anybody starting out on their breastfeeding journey, feel free to ask me anything you want to know about my experience with it. We're all friends here :o) x
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