WIVES AND LOVERS

"Hey little girl, comb your hair, fix your make up, soon he will open the door.

Don't think because there's a ring on your finger, you needn't try anymore.

For wives should always be lovers too, run to his arms the moment he comes home to you"

I'm having something of an internal debate about the thinking behind this song today. I suppose it's a little bit of a chicken vs. egg debate for me. Do you behave like the model wife and take care of your man's every needs in order to "earn" a ring and a marriage, or do you let him take care of you first, let him show you how much he loves and adores you then reward him by being the "model wife" only after he has "put a ring on it"? I suppose I'm a little confused. 

Firstly I should probably say, I am not married, or even engaged. I've been with James for almost 6 years, we have lived with each other for 3 years and we have a 2 year old son. As things stand at the moment, I can't see us ever getting married, and I'm beginning to wonder whether that is partly due to the fact that I am far from the "model wife". Around our house, we have certain chores which are the responsibility of one person or the other, and then the majority of them we both do, depending on who gets to it first. While James is certainly the main bread winner, I do work 4 days a week too, plus babysitting most weekends. I am by no means "a kept woman". I do one of my jobs from home, but with two toddlers to keep in order, I don't often get the chance to get much done around the house during that time. I admit I could probably/definitely be more proactive and  push myself to make better use of this time, I should at least be able to get a load of washing done and hung up on the days I'm at home, and I don't always achieve this. I wish I was a more naturally organised person who just thought to do these things, but I'm not and I don't. It usually takes James getting home for me to look around at how little I've actually achieved that day and see everything which I could/should have got done. Every now and then I'll have a burst of motivation and I will accomplish a great deal, but those moments don't come often enough for my liking. I suppose what I'm saying, is that I can be a bit lazy, but it really isn't intentional.

 Lately I've been wondering if all this is the reason, or at least a large contributing factor as to why James is yet to pop the question. Don't get me wrong, I'm not desperate to get married (if I was I might get more done around the house :o)) but it is always on my mind as to where this is all going. My sister and her partner of 10 years decided pretty early on in their relationship that they were never going to get married, and if you're happy with that then great. But I do want to get married. I want to be the sort of woman that somebody would want to marry. I want to feel that somebody loves me enough to hang up their boots and say it out loud that their search is over, I am the one who makes them happy and I am the one they want to spend the rest of their life making memories with. I know these things don't always last forever anymore, but that is NOT a reason not to get married. It's about how you feel right then in that moment that counts, you can't control the future and you can't put the present on hold for fear of what might happen. 

I also don't buy the excuse of not being able to afford it. For me at least, it's not about a fancy ring (though don't get me wrong, of one were on offer I wouldn't say no!) and it certainly isn't about a lavish ceremony and reception. I HATE being the centre of attention, and for me, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. I would accept a proposal with a folded piece of tin foil if the sentiment behind it were sincere and loving. Very few people these days just have a few thousand pounds sitting around for a wedding. It has to start with WANTING to get married and the rest works itself out if the desire is strong enough. 

I don't know blogosphere...where is this post going? I guess I'm just confused and a little concerned at to where my life is heading. I know I am incredibly fortunate to have a beautiful baby boy, with whom I share the most amazing unconditional love, but I would also like some stability and direction in my relationship. Is that too much to ask...from the girl whose boyfriend does 99% of the washing up?!? I'd love you hear your thoughts...

xo