A SAD DAY

This photo above is my dinner for tonight. I had another chemical pregnancy/miscarriage today :o(

This time was a little different to last month in that I actually did an early pregnancy test this month, and got a faint positive line, so I knew for sure that I was pregnant. But it made me all the more sure that this is exactly what happened last month too, despite the fact I hadn't yet done a test that time. 

I've been doing those strip pregnancy tests from eBay like a mad woman this month. Since way before it was even possible to get a positive result, pregnant or not. I guess I'm a a glutton for punishment as it has been a strange form of torture. I knew that I ovulated on day 17, so realistically, there was no way I was going to get any kind of accurate test result until around 9 or 10 days after this at the very earliest, but that didn't stop me from testing from about day 5! Negative, Negative, Negative, Negative, Negative, Positive, POSITIVE!! That's right, day 27 came, I tested and there it was, the little purple line I had been waiting for. Yes, it was faint, but it was definitely there. Day 28, it was a teensy bit darker...even James could see it. We vowed not to tell anyone at all, and not to get excited about it. But I did get excited, obviously. 

Last night before bed, I did think I saw a slight tinge of bad news, but for some reason I ignored it. I had a good feeling about it this time. It might just be a little bit of implantation bleeding, if I'm not imagining it altogether, I thought confidently.

Then this morning came, day 29... usual routine...pee in a pot, oh, and I'd better just check the bad news situation, I'm sure it'll be fine...

Nope. Last night's tinge had turned into a full blown "it's over" announcement, and I was devastated.

Typically, Tuesdays are the one day of the week I have to go out to work all day, the one day I could really have done without it. So I got me and Beau ready, and drove to my mum's to drop Beau off. On our way there, completely out of the blue, he said "Mummy? I love you mummy" and that was enough to start the first few tears rolling down my cheek. I got to mum's and she asked me if I was ok, and I said "Kind of, just having another miscarriage" and that was the start of the big, boo-hoo tears. Mum gave me a big cuddle, told me she was sorry and that she wished this wasn't happening to me, and I sobbed into her shoulder for a few minutes, until I had to leave.

Serial "googler" that I am, I had read this morning before I left home that recurrent chemical pregnancies can be cause by a progesterone deficiency, and that taking a vitamin B6 supplement and baby aspirin can help your body hold onto pregnancies. Clearly I'm not infertile, it would seem I am quite capable of getting pregnant. It's the staying pregnant I suck at.

So I stopped into my local herbalist shop Botanica on my way to work to pick up some supplies. "Would you like any help or are you just browsing?" the lady behind the counter asked. "Erm, actually, I am looking for some specific things please. I need some vitamin B6 and some progesterone cream please" I replied. I got the vitamin B6 but it turns out you just can't just walk into a shop and buy some hormones. The lady behind the counter was Sophie, who informed me that she is a medical herbalist and knows quite a lot about ways of trying to help recurrent miscarriages, and yes, I was barking up the right tree with progesterone, but she would like to see me for a proper consultation so I'm going to see her on Monday and I'm hoping she can set me on the path to progesterone heaven. I'll pick up some baby aspirin at the chemist tomorrow.

I've been feeling mildly nauseous for the past week or so, and in a cruel twist, I still am. I'm really hoping I feel better soon, and can put this latest episode behind me.

But for now, it Miscarriages 3:0 Katie