NEW YEAR, NEW DIET??

So, January. The time for new years resolutions...to give up or to start up...smoking...hobbies...weight loss...

Weight loss gets A LOT of attention at this time of year. Most of us eat and drink too much over the Christmas period and then come January, we promise ourselves that we are going to shape up. A lot of people then embark on some radical (or not so radical) diet, in search of a better, happier, healthier version of themselves.

I'm going to leave out the part about most of these diets not lasting this time, that's not what this is about.

Last March, I started a diet and exercise plan which would change my life forever...but not for the reasons you might think. It was online based, and I was essentially a guinea pig. I was among the second round of people to do this new plan, so I got it for "free". When I first signed up, it was supposed to be an 8 week plan, which then got extended to 12 weeks, and as time went on, you were led to believe that it was actually a plan for life. Something you should be able to maintain for the rest of your life, being super lean, super strong, super healthy and super happy.

I started the plan with a bang. Yes it was strict, yes it was hard, yes it was RIDICULOUSLY expensive to buy all the food I needed, but it was worth it to start with. I was eating meat/fish and green vegetables for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was allowed coconut milk/cream, herbs and spices, meat, fish and vegetables (not root vegetables) and nuts and that was about it. The first two weeks I was grumpy while my body fought against the cravings for everything I had given up in one fell swoop. I had given up dairy, sugar, alcohol, gluten, legumes, and carbs. 

But I started seeing results fast. I dropped 5lbs in the first week alone, and the centimeters I was losing were the most exciting part.

This was 6 weeks into the plan

I stuck with it properly for a couple of months, and when I look back at my progress photos now, I can see that I did really well, and I did lose a lot of fat.

But here's the sticking point. I could NOT see this at the time. An important aspect of the plan is that we had to take progress photos of ourselves in our swimwear or underwear every week. At the time I thought nothing of it. Yes, the first photo upload was HELL and I was so anxious about it, but it soon got easier and then it was just a normal part of life.

What I didn't realise at the time was that this is one of the most unhealthy things you could ever ask a woman to do. Each and every week, I would scrutinise my semi naked body, measure my weight, thighs, hips, stomach, waist and bust and then judge myself based on how much difference I could or couldn't see. It was all very well for the first few weeks but lets me realistic, I was a size 8 when I started, I weighed 8 st 8 lbs. I didn't have loads of fat to lose, so after a few weeks, the results slowed down and I became more and more miserable.

I would look at my photos, and not see how far I'd come, but just focus on the fat I still had left. At my lowest, I weighed 8 stone and was a size 6/8. I was at the point I had always wanted to be since I was 18 years old (the last time I weighed 8 stone) yet I was the most miserable, and self deprecating I had ever been. 

I had no social life because going out to eat at a restaurant was pointless, what with only being able to eat such a limited diet, and not being allowed to drink anything other than water. If I went to a family lunch, I would take my own food and sit there eating my pork salad with a handful of cashews for pudding, while my family sat around eating normal (not wildly unhealthy) food. The height of anti social?? I think so. The worst part of it is that I kind of pitied them (not realising they probably pitied me a hell of a lot more). I would sit there and think "you poor unhealthy fools, you don't realise what you are doing to your bodies by eating those potatoes with cream and the gluten in that bread and butter pudding"

Little did I know, I was the real fool, and while I may not have done myself much damage by eating the way I was, I did myself a whole lot of mental damage by allowing myself to become so obsessed by it all. I was striving for a perfection that I can now see, I would never have reached, and I never needed. I'm not an aspiring fitness model, so why the hell do I need to look like one? I'm a mum. My body is wonderful and amazing. It carried my son for 9 and a half months, birthed all 9lbs 7oz of him without too much fuss, and kept him alive with it's milk for 9 and a half months after that. 

I shouldn't be hating my body, I should be praising it for the wonderful things it is capable of. And seriously, I was never even overweight to begin with! Yes I had a fat gut (I have one again now) and some extra lumps and bumps which I don't really want, but who gives a crap?? I AM NOT FAT! 

I haven't been doing any form of diet for 6 months now and I have never been happier. Sure, I still look in the mirror and am not 100% happy with what I see, but I enjoy my life. I eat a balanced diet and I over indulge when I feel like it. Being skinny did not make me happy the way I thought it would, and for that lesson, I will always be glad that I went on this journey.

For now though, I'm off to finish the last of the mince pies and I'll enjoy every last buttery, sugary, glutenous crumb of it.

xo